He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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