I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
