I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
