I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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