first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
