I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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