Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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