I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
