Say something about gay babies.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
