a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
