he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
