Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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