The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I looked at my own cervix.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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