Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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