Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
