i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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