Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
