i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
