drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
