It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Houston, we have a squirter
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
