Your face is a jimmy john
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
