So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
