Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
