shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
