he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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