dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
