So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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