Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
