Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Soap is not a condiment
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
