I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
no you cant smoke seaweed
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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