shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
