when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
