evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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