this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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