did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
