So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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