We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
