Kiss
Puke
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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