You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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