In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
