Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I could make wine with my vomit
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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