i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
