I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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