I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
