I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
