Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
