Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
