Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
ok first of all what the fuck
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
