I'm gonna have a badass scar
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
