I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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