I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
